


Endings Sprout Beginnings

by SmilesAndScarz



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Alex is non-binary because i said so, Clay is important don't worry, F/F, F/M, Graphic Suicide, Hannah and Jessica are everything, lots of coffee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmilesAndScarz/pseuds/SmilesAndScarz
Summary: While Hannah Baker is contemplating her fate, she experiences the loss of someone she knows. This fundamentally changes the way she feels about life, love and what it means to be alive.
Relationships: Hannah Baker/Clay Jensen, Hannah Baker/Jessica Davis
Comments: 21
Kudos: 5





	1. One Last Try

The end. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less. No going back after crossing the finish line.

Gazing amongst the stars as his wheels pushed him further. The breeze runs through every corner of his face. Through the jungle of hair atop his head. Between his knuckles, teeth and nails. It was exhilarating.

Humanity fights it's own marathons every day. Some chase the finish line. Some choose to stay back and take it slow. But no matter how slow you are, or how fast, everyone does reach the finish line. Sometimes, people reach the finish line, before they're gone. Hope lost and faith unrestored. The finish line for someone though, can set someone else on the beginning of their marathon.

Deep breaths in, the tires move slower. They grip and snarl against the warm, wet grass. Prickles amongst his forearm and the voices come back. Screaming hysterically and a whisper of a gentle touch. Stares erupt as the bike lays flat against the harsh jungle of not-quite-so trimmed grass. Hope appears on his face for the first time in a long time. One last try.

Hair rustled, buttons buttoned, and pants buckled. One last burst of confidence. Deep breaths and watch checking. Licked lips and faith. Looking up, she stands in the window right above him. He smiles just at the sight of her. The warmth of her beauty. Music blares, teens rumble and beer spills. But none of that matters now. All that matter in the universe right here, right now, is them.


	2. The Point of No Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay confronts a decision.

Entering the party was like entering a jungle. Clay, a slight bit nervous, climbed through the crowd of drunken teenagers. Alex commented on his appearance, but Clay didn't hear anything. Only one thing mattered to him right now. He picked up a cup with something alcoholic in it. Clay appreciated the warm feeling it gave him. It helped ease the increasing number of butterflies that inhabiting his stomach.

Clay took the moment to go the restroom. He splashed cold, freezing water on his face. Anything to help the nervous feeling he had. Not just about Hannah but about the future. Clay reached the stairs, filled with couples’ hands all over each other, quick to note how many of them were intoxicated. As he took the last step, he saw Justin talking to Jessica. 

Jess had gotten together with Justin in the January of that year. They weren't constant the entire year, they had taken a couple breaks. But alas, they were back together. Jessica kept glancing at Hannah down the hall, who seemed to be waiting for someone. Clay. Every time she saw Clay and Hannah together something clicked inside of her. It almost seemed like jealousy. But it couldn't be. After all, Jessica felt she was the one to blame about what happened between her and Hannah.

Clay moved down the hall in a timely manner and Jessica moved her focus back on her "boyfriend." Hannah glanced up and she gave Clay the smile that melted his heart since the first day he met her. Clay felt out of energy, he had used all of it to drag himself out of bed and come to this party. But he gave her a smile anyway. Hannah was worth it. Clay and her chatted about recent events at school such as Marcus Cooley being kicked out of Liberty High. After a while, both Hannah and Clay felt it was best to leave school at school and went inside a room upstairs. Hannah pointed out the room as Jessica's. She had been here many times but that was long ago.

"Hannah, I’m uh, I was excited to see you here." Clay exclaimed, slightly stuttering his words. Hannah let out a light giggle, she didn't want to embarrass him, but his obvious nervousness was apparent, and she found it to be quite cute. "I had hoped you be here." Hannah said back, quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. This ran a chill down Clay's spine, and he let out a breath. That comment had knocked the wind out of him. They were silent for only a moment, before they both reached over, and Hannah let a gentle kiss on his upper lip.

They passionately kissed for what seemed like forever, before moving farther on the bed. Hannah reached under his shirt, letting her hand feel all the way up. This gave Clay chills that flowed through his entire body. He tried to take his shirt off slowly, but his excitement made him rip it off. Hannah smiled before leaning up and kissing him again. She saw a flash of the future, of Clay and her together, happy. Hannah saw the look in his eye, and she knew Clay saw it too.

Hannah had pulled off her shirt and Clay took this as a sign. He moved his head down and gently kissed her chin, and then her n-  
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Justin kissed her as he held her on the slide  
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Bryce grabbed her ass at the Blue Spot Liquor  
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Alex lying to Jessica about her  
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Courtney forcing herself on Hannah  
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Tyler took snapshots through Hannah’s curtains.  
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Marcus grabbed her leg  
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All these names kept rushing back to her, all the events spiraling in her head. She pushed Clay off. Yelling at him to leave her. To get out. Clay was stunned and asked her what was wrong. "Everything, Clay. Get out." She said and turned away. A tear ran down Clay's cheek. "Hannah please don’t-" Clay said before getting cut off. "CLAY GET THE FUCK OUT." She screamed. The tears crashed down upon her hands as the regret already filled her stomach.

Clay wiped away his tears. He knew he was weak. He accepted it. Clay slowly buttoned his shirt up again. Stepping forward slightly, he stepped back, he didn't want to hurt her more than he already did. Opening the door, he closed it gently. Somewhere deep inside, something broke. His tear-stained cheeks didn't hold tears anymore. He didn't feel anything anymore. He couldn't see, like there was a cloud. Dragging his feet along, he made it to the top stair. Then someone pulled him back.

Jessica was still upstairs; Justin had left her to go talk to Bryce downstairs. She saw Clay come out of her bedroom. She was honestly surprised. She thought Clay and Hannah were finally going to profess the love they had. To be frank, it was obvious to her. Jessica saw the tear-stained cheeks and began to get worried. But then something she saw sent a shiver down her spine. Clay's entire face changed. Like it was devoid of meaning, emotion. Before Clay got the chance to leave, she pulled him back. "Woah Clay, what happened? I thought you and Hannah we-" Jessica said worried before getting cut off. "You thought wrong. D-don't touch me." Clay said warningly and flew down the stairs. Jessica looked over at her bedroom at the end of the hall and saw the light was still on. Jessica decided she still cared about Hannah deep down, so she slowly crept over to the door.

Clay knew he was drowning, and he felt at some point he had to accept that. Outside, he took his first real breath in minutes. The cool chill of the autumn wind flew through his hair. Jeff had come up to him and asked him a variety of questions, none of which mattered now. Clay simply asked for a ride home and Jeff started his car. Clay opened the window as Jeff drove through the streets of his hometown. Ever since he could remember, life was painful. Short hiccups of good moments, but they did not justify the rest. The bullying, the disappointment, the depression, the lack of emotions and motivation he felt every night as he gazed upon his ceiling. Clay finally knew the answer to the question he had been asking himself for a year. Hannah had made some of his life brighter, but now he knows he only brings pain and disappointment to the people around him. Jeff's car pulled into his driveway and he gave a simple thanks before leaving the vehicle. Clay was going to walk up the stairs, record a something for his parents, pull the thin metal blade out of his sock drawer, and take a bath. The rain fell atop his shoulders and for the first time in a long time, he finally felt at peace. He entered his household and closed the door behind him.

\--------------------------------------------------

Jessica opened her bedroom door slowly and saw Hannah jump. "Sorry. I-I didn't mean to spook you." Jessica said with a somber tone. Hannah did not move but she looked around at Jess. "Why are you here?" she asked. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. That nothing bad happened." Jessica said. "I saw Clay rush out and-" Hannah cut her off. "You wanted to make sure I was okay? How is that? I've been certain your main goal has to been avoid me." Hannah exclaimed with a touch of anger. Jessica was silent only for a moment. "I would say I’m sorry, but I’m so much more than just sorry, Hannah. I didn't like how things turned out." Jessica said as she came closer and sat by Hannah. "Yeah, you and me both." Hannah said under her breath.

Jessica saw Hannah's tear-stained cheeks. She began to be worried that something bad happened. "What happened, Hannah? Did he hurt you?" She asked. This made Hannah look straight at her. "No. He would never." Hannah said and fell into a pit of silence. Jessica let Hannah collect her thoughts because she obviously seemed distraught. After a few minutes, Hannah let out a breath and said, "I was excited when I saw Clay. When we went into that room, for the first time in a while he seemed happy and although he was nervous, he kissed me." Jessica lips grew into a slight smile. "It was wonderful. I have been waiting so long for it and when it finally came, it’s kind of, knocked the wind out of me. It went further though. But when he kissed my neck I-" Hannah paused for a short moment, gathering the courage. "I began to think of all the bad things people have said about me, and what some of them have done, and it began to be overwhelming." Hannah said and then began to tear up. "I pushed him away and told him to get out. I screamed at him. I regret it now." Hannah's tears fell more. Jessica put her arm around Hannah slowly. Hannah felt warmth from the embrace. 

"It's okay, Hannah. You could not control those feeling rushing to you. And we all make mistakes." Jessica explained. Hannah nodded slowly. "He's been distant lately, and it was nice to see him so... happy. yunno." Hannah said softly as Jessica held her. Jessica nodded. "I can see how much the two of you care about each other. Give him a day and go talk to him. Explain things. He'll understand, Hannah. I promise." Jessica said reassuringly. For the first time since Clay had left, a slight smile appeared on Hannah's face. "Good idea. And thanks, for, being here." Hannah cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. "I appreciate it." she said. After seeing Hannah's smile, Jessica's insides turned to jelly. "Yeah of course." She said quick. Hannah and Jessica laid on Jess' bed for a while, talking about different things. Catching up on what they had missed.

Hannah asked for a ride home and Jessica obliged immediately. When they went downstairs, Jessica took her to the kitchen and gave Hannah a sprite. Jessica figured it would help ease the anxiety that has risen in Hannah's stomach earlier. Jessica and Hannah shuffled through the crowd and at one point, Jessica took Hannah's hand. They made it to Jessica's car and Jess was admittedly sad to let go. She drove Hannah home. Neither of them said much. They enjoyed the silence. Jessica dropped her off and had greeted Hannah's parents before going back to her car. 

Jessica sat in her car for a while before putting the key in the ignition. She thought about her and Hannah's past and how much she wanted their future to be different. She drove home, taking the long way home passing through certain neighborhoods. She heard something, it was very quiet, and she was lucky to even hear it. She heard sirens, wavering. Jess thought it was strange when it was this late at night. She didn't bother to investigate. She just went home. Like anyone would have.

Hannah took off her jacket and placed it on her bed. Olivia had questioned her about a variety of things, but Hannah shooed her off. She put on some pajamas, made sure the blinds were closed before climbing into bed. She put her phone on the side of the bed before looking up at the ceiling. She felt disappointed in herself for how things went with Clay, but Jessica made her feel better about the situation. Hannah was going to go over there tomorrow and profess her feelings to him. Along with apologizing. She knew by the way he had kissed her and how gentle he had held her, that he felt the same way. Her future didn't seem as cloudy as it did before. If Clay and she were together, Hannah felt as though they could conquer the world. She fell asleep with the thoughts of warm, genuine happiness filling her brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much if you read this far! I know this chapter is different than the last but I put my hear into it. Stay tuned for next chapter! Love you all.


	3. A Culmination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay runs himself a cold, freezing bath.

3 Years Ago  
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Clay sat on the bleachers of Liberty High's gymnasium. In Physical Education, the coach had decided that Volleyball was the game of choice this week. Clay didn't have many friends. I mean, he had the people you'd glance at in the hall and wave at sometimes but that's it. He had one friend, though. Tony Padilla. Tony and Clay had been friends since the start of Middle School. Unfortunately, in this day and age people were still mildly homophobic and since Clay was Tony's friend, they automatically assumed he was gay. This didn't bother Clay as much at first, what bothered him was the relentless bullying that occurred from it. He had always been bullied for being the top of his class, but this was just something else he was going to have to stress about.

Tony called his name and wave him over. Clay eventually obliged unwillingly and stood by Tony on the volleyball court. Clay was never that great, but he was okay. At the end of the game though, Fitch yelled at him, labeling Clay a faggot, before throwing the ball at his head. Tony screamed at Fitch, but he didn't care and walked away. Clay told Tony to calm down, and to forget about it. Clay went to the locker room while Tony was chewing out the couch who frankly didn't give a damn.

Clay was cleaning up the blood from his nose when Bryce's gang cornered him in the locker room, and it caused a feeling that Clay would never forget. He didn't remember being full of fear when they attacked him, he remembered the feeling of acceptance from the pain. That experience caused a cloud to appear in the sky and since then, that cloud had never left Clay. It lingered there. Always.  
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Present Day  
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Clay dropped his bag on the floor by his door. He made sure to both of his shoes right by the door. Right next to each other. It took him a long while to go up the stairs. Standing there, he felt almost paralyzed by everything. But he did walk up, accepting what needed to be done. When Clay got to his room, he looked over it and decided it needed to look nice and tidy. Clay thought he could do his parents that favor. He spent the next 15 minutes cleaning his room, folding his clothes, putting trash in the basket, the works. After that, he found an old pair of clothes to put on. A white shirt with gray sweatpants. Clay began to hear that voice in his head, that feeling of urgency. He looked by his nightstand and found the cassette recorder.  
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1.5 years ago  
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The bell rung for school to be dismissed. Actually, it had rung 30 minutes ago. But Clay Jensen was still standing there on the steps. How was he going to tell his parents about this? Clay had been extremely unmotivated lately and the bullying not slowing down, he had allowed his grades to slip. Not just one grade either. Every class he attended had slipped to a C- or a D. He was angry at himself and felt like screaming for the entire world to hear. A ringtone played in his pocket and it took all of his energy to take the phone out of his pocket and answer it. His mother asked where he was with a worried but happy tone. Clay gave some fake, monotone response and said he'd be home soon. And then he hung it up, without saying goodbye or admitting his love for his parents. Monet’s was his next destination, that's we he had told his mother. "I'll be home soon. I’m grabbing a cup of coffee."

Clay had waited for a bus to stop for around 8 minutes before one arrived. It was getting rather stormy outside and there was a light drizzle. The bus driver welcomed him and asked for a certain amount of cash. Clay obliged before sitting in back of the bus. Clay never forgot that bus ride. The fear, disappointment, and rocking back and forth of the bus. It felt like being in lingo, he had thought. The bus eventually arrived on the street where Monet's inhabited. Clay entered the warm, welcoming place of the coffee shop. He had walked up to the register and notice Skye was working here. He didn't say anything to her of course. When Eighth grade started, he wanted to try something new, and he pushed away his friends. Clay hadn't talked to her since.

Clay took his coffee and sat at the table on top. He drank it slowly, like he knew that by the time he finished it, he'd be dead. It took Clay 30 minutes to finish his drink and his Mother had sent him another light-hearted text. Clay hated that he had to take that lighthearted, happy attitude away from her. He didn't reply and walked the rest of the way home. He noted a moving truck pulled into this nice house a few blocks over from his. Clay pitied them. Moving into Crestmont of all places.

Arriving home, he placed his bag by the door along with his shoes. His parents didn't like to track dirt in the house. Clay pulled the thin white paper out of his bag and walked into the living room where his parents set. They were wearing a smile that went to the moon and back. Clay didn't say anything and handed them the paper. Clay would never forget the look they gave him. "But Clay, you've always had such good grades. What happened?" Lainie had said. "Clay, we're very disappointed in you right now." Matt said with a touch of anger in his voice. They kept asking what had happened and he kept replying with, "I don't know." Clay made sure not to cry in front of his parents. He saved that until late that night. Around midnight he opened the window to his bedroom and climbed out. As he sat on the roof, he let out all his emotions and cried for what seemed like hours. He pulled out a thin metal blade out of his pocket and look up at the stars above him. But there had a been a cloud brewing inside Clay's head and he wasn't able to see the beauty of the stars, or their meaning. He placed the blade upon his leg and moved quickly. Droplets of blood dripped down, falling upon the foliage below. Clay felt better.  
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Present Day  
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Clay recorded the tapes for his parents. It didn't include everything that had happened, or all the reasons why. But he stated this wasn't a spur of the moment decision. He had been thinking about it, and it was a culmination of reasons that brought him here. Clay took the tape out and grabbed a pen for his desk. He wrote, [To Lainie and Matt Jensen.] He knew the title was cold, but he felt cold. He was bitter, angry and sad. But he felt empty most of all. Clay went downstairs and placed the tape upon the kitchen counter.

Clay went back upstairs. He thought about how his father was on a business trip and felt more guilt for doing this. But Clay couldn't wait. His mother was going to arrive home late from her law office. His mother wasn't going to disturb what he wanted. Clay opened his sock drawer and found a new blade he had purchased from The Bakers drug store earlier that week. He had lost his other blade. Clay looked at it, and it was so new, he could see a cloudy reflection of himself. Before he moved out of his bedroom, he looked at the tape recorder on his bed. Clay decided he had one more tape to make.  
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1 year ago  
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Clay parked his bike and locked it to the side of the mailbox. Hannah had invited him to a party at her house, she stated it was mandatory. She later informed him that it was a going away party for her friend, Kat. The name drew him aback. Clay hadn't thought about her in ages. But she had been a good friend, once. Before he pushed them all away. He shook the memory that popped into his head and stared at the front of the house. All over there seemed to be dancing teens or teens that were too wasted to be standing up. Clay didn't plan on coming. He could barely get out of bed in the morning. But Hannah had given him a strange sense of hope and energy. She was like a bundle of sunshine and he basked in her glory. So, he came for Hannah. He didn't want to disappoint her.

Clay arrived at the party and sufficed to say, both Hannah and Kat we're glad to see him. He didn't say much. Only enough to make Hannah smile and give out that giggle that took his breath away. Hannah had gone to see some sort of commotion in the living room and Kat pulled him aside. She questioned his motive and all the looks he gave Hannah. Eventually of course, he gave in and admitted his feelings. Hannah came back and Hannah smiled at him. 

Bryce Walker came over and introduced himself to Hannah. This made a wave of pain and fear rush through his body. Bryce and his friends had bullied Clay relentlessly over the past year. He began to look for exit points, but Hannah grabbed his wrist. "Clay, what's wrong? You're sweating." Hannah said in a worried tone. Bryce let out a laugh and made some insult about Clay. Hannah turned her head and gave him the angriest look Bryce will ever see. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Get out of my house." She said with anger fueling her voice. Hannah couldn't believe someone would say that. She went back to Clay and comforted him. Clay listed it as a panic attack to cover the real reason. She smiled and said, "I’m glad you're okay."

Clay would never forget the way Hannah made him feel that night. It was the safest he had felt in years and the warmth Hannah radiated was astounding. The night raged on, and one after one all the teens left. At the end of the night, it was just Clay, Hannah and Kat. They sat on the stairs and mainly Kat and Hannah were conversing. Clay didn't say too much, but he enjoyed being around them. Hannah looked over at him and smiled and she moved her hand over and held hi-  
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Present Day  
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But then the memory stopped. Instead, memories of Hannah's face, and her screaming at him rushed to his mind. The pain in the look she gave him. He had caused her pain, her hurt her, and Clay could never forgive himself for that, and Clay felt that Hannah wouldn't forgive him either. He recorded the second tape. He wrote on the tape, [To Hannah Baker, my eternal sunshine]. Clay hid it in his closet, in an alcove where it was hard to find. He didn't want Hannah to find it immediately. Clay but the tape recorder in a shoebox and labeled it, [Return to Tony]. Now, Clay was ready.

Clay entered the bathroom and didn't lock it behind him. He bent down before turning on the water to a cold, freezing temperature. Clay placed the thin metal blade on the side of the bathtub. He walked over and looked into the mirror. Clay saw the absence of expression and emotion from his face. They were gone. It seemed like he was breaking apart while watching himself. Clay kept standing there until he felt the cold water hit the floor outside of the tub. Pulling him down. He climbed in with his clothes still on. Clay bent forward before grabbing the blade and placing it on his right wrist. He pushed it in and dragged the blade up his arm. It was excruciatingly painful. It caused what seemed like a waterfall of blood to come out. And for a moment, there was a sign of regret. A moment where he thought that maybe he could beat this. But then it vanished. And using all his willpower. He did the same with his other wrist. Both the mental and physical pain was the most he had ever hurt in his entire life. Still, a sense of peace washed over him. Clay laid his head back as his consciousness slowly faded away, and soon, his soul was gone. 

Clay Jensen was a 16-year-old high school junior. He passed away on the night of September 26th, 2017. He died alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank everyone who has even read one word of my story. It means the world to me that somewhere my words are being heard. Chapter 4 is going to take a bit longer to come out but it will be worth it. Chapter Four is titled, "There's always tomorrow."


	4. There's Always Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah makes a discovery.

Hannah had a bright outlook this morning. Not only did she make up with Jess last night, but she was also heading over to Clay's house to apologize. She hoped he would understand and maybe even give her that goofy smile of his. That damned smile just made her heart skip two beats. After realizing she was on his street, she walked faster. To be honest to herself, she was running. She couldn't help it she thought. Well, how would you feel if the one you admire, kissed you back as much as you kissed them. She was over the moon. Hannah had to just fix a few things and state her feelings.

Hannah reached Clay's door and opened her camera to make sure she looked okay. Putting the phone back in her pocket, she knocked confidently on his door. And it opened. Clay jumped a little bit when he saw her. "What are you doing here, Hannah? This is, um, this is the last place I thought you would be." Clay said. Hannah bit her lip slightly at the sight of him and explained what had happened last night in her head and apologized. Clay had taken a few moments before saying he understood. And then he flashed that goofy smile she loved. He invited her inside and explained that his parents we're already gone for the day. They sat on the couch.

Hannah took his hand in hers and explained to him slowly about how she felt about him and how long she had. Clay smiled, with his cheeks a bursting red. Clay stared into her eyes and explained that he had loved her since the very beginning. This made Hannah float up into the clouds. Had Clay actually said that. Was this real? Hannah smiled for the entire world to see. She was ready for the world to experience the power of Clay Jensen and Hannah Baker. "Now, Hannah, where were we?" Clay said as his hand lifted up to cup her cheek. He slowly moved in and his lips gently touched her-  
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Reality  
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"Hannah! Babe, it's five past ten. Wake up!" Olivia Baker said while shaking her daughter’s sheets. Hannah screamed and kicked her legs. "Mommmmm! I was getting to the good part!" Hannah explained. This made her mother laugh with delight. "Who was it this time? That boy, Clay Jensen or that sweet girl we met last night, Jessica Davis I presume?" Olivia said with a smirk on her face as she picked up some of Hannah's clothes off the floor. Hannah's cheeks turned bright red as she shrieked. "MOTHER!" Hannah screamed and Olivia laughed her way out of the room.

Hannah was mad at her mom only for a moment before laughing a bit too. But it also made her feel warm and happy inside when her mother had said Jessica. There was once a time when... Hannah cut her thought off. Hannah hadn't told her mother yet about her sexuality. So, it made her feel accepted. Hannah realized what she was going to do and hoped it was somewhat similar to her dream. If only her mother hadn't woken her. She got up and did her daily routine. Picked out one of her favorite outfits before taking a shower and getting ready for the day.

When she was ready, she kissed her mother who was leaving to the pharmacy. She ate a decent breakfast herself and then she was out the door. Considering that her mother had driven the car, she decided to walk. She turned on her favorite playlist and made her way to Clay Jensen's house. The song, "Windows" by Angel Olsen started playing. She didn't remember hearing this song before, but it touched her in a way. As she reached Clay's street, she skipped the rest of the way. As she reached the Jensen household, Clay's mother pulled into the driveway. She looked like she had pulled an all-nighter at work. Hannah waved to her as Lainie got out of the car. "Hey Hannah, it's been a while since I’ve seen you. I’m sorry for my appearance." Hannah assured she looked stunning as always. Lined laughed and thanked her. Lainie opened the door and invited her in.  
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6 months ago  
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Hannah swept the last theater before she was done with her shift. It was a warm March day, and if Clay accepted, she wanted to walk him home. He had always offered to walk her home, but she had never done so herself. Plus, Clay hadn't talked to much today and she wanted to connect. She emptied the dustpan into the trash before putting the broom away. She took a look around the place before heading back to the employee lockers. That's where she found Clay. She opened her locker before looking over at him and smiling. Clay always untucked his dress shirt after work. This was probably tied to him not wanting to become a corporate paperwork kind of guy. When he untucked it though, it showed some of his torso. He was skinny, but he had become increasingly toned since he had met her. Seeing that though, awakened something in her and she definitely was going to have to deal with it later that night. But for now, she bit her lip and put on her jacket. 

Hannah asked Clay if she could walk him home. He raised his eyebrows but gave her a smile. He obliged. But as he put on his jacket, he revealed a part of his forearm that looked like it had been cut. "Are you okay? It looks like you-" 

"I’m fine Hannah, it was just an accident." Clay said. He tried not to show his arms but occasionally they revealed themselves.

Hannah didn't like that answer and didn't quite believe him. But she thought to herself, "There's always tomorrow." She didn't talk about it again and they locked up The Crestmont. The started walking and as always, they found something weird but fun to talk about. When they reached Clay's house, his mother was seen in the living room window. Lainie came out and introduced herself to Hannah. Clay just stood there nervous as they conversed. After a few minutes, Lainie went back inside. Hannah wanted to talk to her about Clay's wrist, but she thought, "There's always tomorrow." Clay wanted to tell her something, but he was hesitant to do so. "Hannah, thank you. This was nice. And I uh, I appreciate the company, your company I mean." Clay says and looks at her as his cheeks turn a bright pink. Hannah giggles and rolls her eyes before leaning over and kissing his cheek. "You're welcome, Helmet!" She said before turning around, skipping the rest of the way down the street. Clay's hormones never recovered.  
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Present Day  
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Hannah smiled, thinking of that fond memory. Lainie called out for Clay to see if he was home. Hannah started to say something before she almost slipped. The ground was covered in water, and it looked like it had been coming down the stairs. "Clay! What the hell!" Lainie said quite loud. Something twisted in Hannah's stomach. Hannah went upstairs slowly with Lainie seeing something on the kitchen counter. Hannah reached the top stair and the water had been coming from what looked like a bathroom. But the water wasn't clear. It was red. Hannah reached for the doorknob and knocked twice. "C-clay? Are you in there?" She asked and after what seemed like hours for her but only mere seconds, she opened the door.

Hannah broke into a thousand pieces. She stood there for a moment in complete shock, before screaming at the top of her lungs. She flung herself down and held what used to be Clay's hand. Her eyes were but a waterfall, and the tears fell for hours. Her ears had stopped working and her eyesight had become fuzzy. The husk of a boy she loved laid there, lifeless. Every memory of Clay rushed to her head, but they were all blocked out. She could only see him now, as pale and limp. Lainie had ran upstairs before she too fell under the same spell that Hannah did. Every emotion imaginable had hit them. Lainie screamed to Hannah as she held the husk of her boy in her arms to call 911. But Hannah couldn't move. She was stunned. It took Lainie hitting her for her to take out her phone and call the police.

Lainie couldn't stop crying. As she held her boy in her arms, she had remembered the first time she had held him. She felt lucky. This unimaginable pain had hit her and tore a crack throughout her entire mind and heart. She would never recover from this. She felt robbed and violated. Lainie wanted to think her child, the boy she loved, was going to be alright. But she knew by the sight of him that Clay was gone. And only this husk of him was left. In this bathtub. Lainie caressed his head still but looked over his entire body. She thought about what his final moments might have been and what crushed her, is knowing that Clay had decided this. He wanted to drag that blade down both of his arms. And every bad moment, every mistake she had made as a parent rushed to her mind and created a wall. She couldn't see the good things she done for her son, or how much she cared about. But about how much she had failed him.

Hannah still felt that shock as she explained the situation the dispatcher. But she didn't feel like she was talking. More like she was watching every bad moment and everything she missed. But most of all, she remembered last night. Hannah remembered pushing Clay out of her life, and the tear that fell down his face. As he walked over to the door and before shutting it, he looked backed at her, and shut it. Hannah knew she gave him the final push he needed. She cried and cried for what seemed like an eternity. Her vision had changed. She no longer saw color, only the black and white. The color had been stripped from her when she the boy she loved diary’s wrists. 

The police arrived and took Clay's body with them. But Lainie and Hannah didn't follow them immediately. They didn't say anything. But they held each other. On that bathroom floor, that cold stained bathroom floor. And when the police left, it was completely silent. But not to them. Their worlds would never be silent again. The pain would scream inside their heads for the rest of their lives. Hannah crushed her head in Lainie's chest, and she just held her. And that memory Hannah thought of earlier was cut apart. What remained was the thought that appeared in Hannah's mind as she saw the cut on Clay's wrist. 

"There's always tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize this took so long to come out. I'm afraid the next chapter will take just as long. I've been struggling with my health recently. Please forgive me.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never posted anything before. I know my writing is garbage but I need experience and practice. Plus I have the sudden urge to write, and I'm going to use it to my full advantage. Shout out to Procrastination14, 1775rik, C_ROCKER31, and so many others for giving me the confidence to write these kind of stories. I really like Hannah and Jessica and I hope everyone who reads this will enjoy them together. Clay Jensen/Hannah Baker will be talked about a lot in this story. Have a good day!!


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